Mean mama

I had two intense moments of guilt today. You just never get used to it. The first horrible feeling came when I was trimming R's tiny fingernails. You can probably guess what came next. I snipped a bit of his tiny index finger, and he started wailing. I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. I think you feel your child's pain more intensely than your own. Fingers of course bleed like crazy, so that little millimeter-wide cut seemed to bleed forever. I apologized over and over and put a tiny band aid on. Just thinking about it now makes me feel sick all over again.

The second awful feeling of guilt came when I was running on the treadmill. R was hanging out in his bouncy chair next to me, and Q was playing with cars. Then Q reached over and pushed this little switch on the bottom of the treadmill. It made it stop abruptly. It's not like I was close to falling off or anything, but it startled me, and I screamed at him. I immediately felt horrible, and said, "Mama's sorry for yelling at you, but please do NOT turn that off." It's not like I never raise my voice to him, but I really screamed this time unnecessarily, and that is just not the mother I want to be.

--MM

Dollar deals

We hit the dollar store this weekend. I have visited in the past here or there but never really thought much of it. Though that place is full of cheap crap for just a buck, it is a gold mine if you have kids.

We went in for some bubble paraphernalia to give Q something to do for the afternoon. We ended up getting two big bubble wands, a package of small bubble wands, a huge thing of dish soap for bubble making in the kiddie pool, sidewalk chalk, a set of three tiny train cars, two things of pens and a stain remover for me. Our grand total? Nine dollars. That is amazing. Granted, one of the bubble wands broke before we even used it and two of the three train cars lost their wheels, but we duct taped the bubble wand, and Q is still playing with the broken trains. I consider it a bargain.

That place even had wine glasses and candles and all sorts of things. I think when Q is older we can go there and let him pick out a few treats. It's probably also good for entertaining if you want pink plates or something but don't want to spend a lot of money. I was thoroughly impressed.

--MM

Many martinis

I hosted a mom's group event this weekend. It was a Mom's Night In. We generally have Mom's Night Out events, but they are in loud bars, and it is hard to talk very much. So, I had a few of the ladies over for drinks and appetizers.

I decided to phone it in slightly by just buying all my snacks. I got a couple kinds of chips, two dips, veggies, a cheese torta, cheesecake, and truffles. I opened a couple of bottles of wine and found an easy martini recipe.

We had a theme of "show and tell" to break the ice. The ladies arrived at 7:00 p.m. T took the boys to the mall to get them out of the house. We showed and told about our items and also played "two truths and a lie." You offer two true statements about yourself and one false one, and everyone else tries to figure out which is which. We had fun and learned about each other, and the drinks were flowing freely.

I haven't had much too drink in the last year obviously, so I am a bit of a lightweight. After a martini and a couple glasses of wine, I was spent. I was seeing a little double and wobbly on my feet. Everyone left and I crawled in to bed.

This morning, I woke up to a slight headache and a parched mouth, but not too bad. I don't know how I did this day after day in college.

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French Martini

2 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Chambord (or other raspberry liquor)
1.5 ounce pineapple juice

Stir with ice and strain into glass.

-MM

Flunking time management

I never leave myself enough time. I always predict how long something will take based on the best case scenario, which pretty much never happens, so then I am rushing around and frequently late.

Take today for example. I took the boys to a park for a play date. It was nice and close and easy. Q had a good time. When I got home I ran and walked for about 25 minutes on the treadmill and left myself about 45 minutes to get ready. That is doable if I scramble and if nothing slows me down. Then of course, the child care provider was extra chatty, her son wanted to show me a fingerprint he made, R demanded an extra feeding, Q woke up and had a poopy diaper, and my hair was flat and unmanageable. I was soon running very late with absolutely no time to make a very necessary trip to Starbucks. Even with half-doing my hair and not putting on my make-up, I was 15 minutes late to work. Definitely need to schedule a little extra time for these unforeseen circumstances that always seem to happen.

My other problem is it took me forever to get dressed. I am having such issues with that lately. My belly is still so rounded from being pregnant three and a half months ago, and I still need to lose at least ten pounds. A good half of my wardrobe doesn't fit and most of the rest doesn't fit well. Some of my skirts don't zip, and others make me look too bulgy. I am self-conscious in any shirt that is fitted. Today I put on a white shirt and black shorts. Too clingy. Changed to a black skirt. Too bulgy. Changed to a patterned shirt and short black skirt. Too skanky. Finished with the same shirt and a longer black skirt that is not zipped all the way up. Plus, I wear a suit jacket most every day, and very few of mine button up correctly right now. A lot of that is from the extra cup size I have from breastfeeding but the rest is belly bulge, and I do not like it.

I have a hard time remembering how long it took me to get back into shape after having Q, but I did get back to a body I was comfortable with. I felt fine in a bikini and weighed 13 pounds less than I do now. Then again I did have Q six weeks early, so my belly did not get as enormous as it did this time. There are some benefits to premature birth. Not many, but some. I fear my previous body is now just a skinny, distant memory.

-MM

Happy kids, tired mama

First, a clarification. I like the Starbucks Doubleshot that they actually make at the stores. They shake up espresso, milk, and a little classic syrup. It is yummy. I have not tried the stuff in cans and am a bit skeptical, but if it is as good as the real thing, I will jump on board.

Now on to my chaotic day. There was a Children's Festival this week. I meant to go yesterday to meet up with my mom's group, but just didn't feel up to it. I knew Q would love it, but I also knew it would be a challenge. Today, I sucked it up and dove in. You know those days? You just want to lay on the couch, but you know you should take the hard road because it is worth it for the little ones.

It was rough with just one person. I had the baby strapped to me, and Q was free range. The festival was packed and for the first time, I was thinking how handy those baby leashes must be. Q kept wandering off, and it was so hard to pick him up with R in his Snugli. I had to ask for help from other parents once or twice, but all in all it was a success. Q had fun painting and playing in bubbles. I made the drastic mistake of wearing white pants.

When we got home, the boys were wiped out and fell right asleep. I would have paid a large sum of money to do the same, but alas, I had to get on the treadmill then jump in the shower and head to work for a full day. Sometimes I wish there were just more hours in the day to sleep.

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We woke up to another ant infestation this morning. They were coming in the back door and side door and meeting in the middle. They were swarming in the cat food and invading the litter box. It was overwhelming to look at their trail of little black bodies. I hate them!! Though I am a deep lover of animals, I delighted in spraying poison on them. Stupid ant jerks. They better not come back.


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Sunday: 4.5 miles running .5 walking
Monday: 30 mins. walking
Tuesday: 30 mins. running

144 lbs--need to step up the weight loss. My clothes don't fit!

-- MM

On my list

Two things are making me happy right now. Well more than that of course. My children and all that...But two other things.

1. "The Omnivore's Dilemma." It is a fascinating read about the food we eat, and how it has changed so much. Do you realize how much corn is in just about everything you put in your mouth? It is kind of scary really the strange things we do to something that is supposed to be natural. The author is not a vegetarian, but he sure made me glad I am one. It makes you actually think about what you eat rather than mindlessly chomp away. Which I still do from time to time. I mean, I have been known to eat a whole container of Icebreakers Sours to the point my tongue is burning, but I do generally like to be mindful of what I take in.

2. On to the second one, perhaps in direct contrast to the first. The wonderful Starbucks Doubleshot on Ice. I usually like just coffee or a cappuccino even it is hot outside. I don't like my drinks too syrupy or sweet. This is quite lovely though. Sweet, creamy, tastes like espresso. It hits the spot most every afternoon these days and is not insanely expensive like some of the other drinks on the menu.

Now on to the thing that is weirding me out this week.

1. Q is starting to get smelly. He is changing from the sweet-smelling baby to a full-fledged stinky boy. It started slow with a dirty, puppy dog smell (as my mom would say). But T and I have noticed his feet and shoes are now smelly. Like a grown person smelly! Sigh. I guess we should wash him a little more often.

--MM

All's not fair

A county fair is not the best place for a vegetarian for a number of reasons. First, I do not understand the whole FFA and 4-H experience. These kids get so close to their animals that they become more than pets. They name them, feed them, bathe them, blow-dry their fur, and then send them off to slaughter. Why would you want to set yourself up for such heartache? I haven't even met or cared for livestock, and I still don't want to eat it.

We stopped in the meat goat barn and watched some judging. I admired the cute little goats and their proud middle-school handlers. And then felt physically ill thinking about them being killed and eaten. We walked out of there and into the beef barn. Same issue. I distracted myself by asking Q what sounds cows make. He dutifully belted, "Moo!" Still sad.

We encountered more problems in the food aisle. There is sausage, chicken, chicken-on-a-stick, sausage-on-a-stick, burgers, hot dogs, but not a lot of tofu. I did satisfy myself with a funnel cake and marionberry lemonade. They were quite tasty I must say. Q was tall enough this year to go on three rides. I felt like barfing after accompanying him on the carousel. I hope by the time he is tall enough for the death drop, he can go alone.

We finished the day in the pavilion for prize-winning art, baked goods, and vegetables. Finally, a place where a vegetarian can feel at home at the fair.

--MM