I find that friendship takes sort of a parabolic form (if I am using that term correctly from my long-ago geometry days). When you are young, making a friend is as easy as asking at the playground. It gets a little tougher as you go through middle school and high school, peaking in difficulty in the single years after college. I mean, how do you ask another single girl to hang out? It's awkward.
I think it becomes a bit easier when you get married or are in a relationship. Then you are "double dating" and there is less pressure. When you have children, that adds another connection. You can make a friend by asking for a play date.
I think it comes back to the easiest again when you are 97 and in a nursing home. You have to stick together, because there just aren't many of you left, right?
That said, I don't think it is ever really easy to make a friend. A woman from my mom's group reached out to me a few weeks ago and said she thought we clicked and wanted to hang out. I thought that was wonderful of her and was happy and flattered. We met today for lunch and coffee at the place I mentioned before where kids can roam free.
I think that we will be friends, and it is so nice to find a good one and so rare. It's just like dating. Sometimes you are really into someone, but they just don't feel the same. Or the almost more awkward opposite situation, when someone always wants to hang out and you must invent reasons you are busy.
Making and keeping good friends is even harder when you move often and are 1,700 miles from where you grew up as I am. That's why it's so important to grab onto a good friend and keep them. This poor girl doesn't know what she has gotten herself into. :)
--MM
6 years ago
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5 comments:
Here's what's worked for me:
1) keep touch as much as you can with past friends, even if it's just once a year
2) have different friends from different areas of your life (runners, associates, bar mates, etc.) ** note: do NOT assume they will get along if you introduce them, mine never do
3) join the running club/group - always a bunch of very friendly crazies
I think folks can get a bit insulated when they get married and it makes it seem tough to make friends. When it's just you - those friends are your only (local) safety net!
I like to still consider you a "good friend". :)
It's so true. Finding (and maintaining!) friendships is so much harder these days. It doesn't help when you live in a place where it seems everyone else grew up together. Breaking through the clique barriers can be tough.
i totally hear you. even just being an hour from home sucks because i know no one from here! sometimes i feel desperate and want to take an ad out in the paper for friends, haha. luckily, it's never come to that :)
It is hard to find good, fun mom friends that you actually have something in common with, aside from the fact that you are moms. It's like I find myself "sizing' up a mom when I meet them...."Could we be gal pals?" Its sad.
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