Working mama grief

Over the last few days, I have been getting a lot of questions and criticism for being a working mother. It is starting to irritate me.

It started at a work party last weekend. The wife of an older man I work with was asking if I was returning to work after the baby was born. I told her I was. She had many questions about where my sons would go and what a shame it was.

Then at a first birthday party this weekend, more questions. I finally told one woman that I enjoyed working, and I think I always will. I feel like they expect me to say I wish I could stay home, but it just isn't possible. That is not the case. Our lifestyle certainly would be different if only T worked, but if I absolutely wanted to stay home with the children I could.

I am (at least) as smart as T. I earned two college degrees. Why should I stay home just because I am female? It is so irritating to me. T doesn't get these questions. I guess though if he did decide to stay home, he would get the opposite ones.

I had a brief few months right after Q was born, when I wondered if I should stay home, or if I should make that my goal in a few years. But, I figured out pretty quickly that my calling in life is not to be a stay-at-home-mom. In some ways, I wish it were. That would make life simpler and reduce the constant criticism. But, I know I am happier and more fulfilled when I work and have a family. I respect people who do have that gift of being extremely nurturing and motherly to children. I feel like Q almost benefits from being with people like that for a portion of the day, instead of just with his frazzled mama 24/7.

I like that Q sees a strong woman and will know his mom is happy and fulfilled. I have no doubt he will grow up respecting women. It just annoys me that I have to keep defending myself to people. Why do I have to be polite to them when they are not polite to me?

--MM