Might be pregnant forever

Well that's a slight exaggeration, but it is starting to feel kind of like that. I am feeling slightly more patient now that I don't feel like it is imminent. I know that my body is just odd and content to hang out in a state where most people are in the full throes of labor, so it could be awhile. A friend told me she knew someone who didn't know she was dilated seven centimeters, until her doctor told her. Wow! That would make for a quick labor.

Former President Bill Clinton was in town today, so it was another weekend spent working, but I'd rather be involved than sit at home and watch. Q came to work with us and wheeled around on his little bike. He has spent many hours in that newsroom!

--MM

Excruciating anticipation

I am still pregnant, unfortunately. I am struggling to be patient, but am not succeeding. I decided to go to work yesterday to take my mind off things. The inside of my pelvis was killing me. After I would be sitting at my computer for awhile and then stand up, it felt like my legs were being ripped off.

As I was sitting down for the 5 show, I could feel this glugging sensation in that baby-delivering area. I ran to the bathroom and found that my mucus plug had come out, and I thought maybe some amniotic fluid. It is amazing all the crazy things that happen to your body. You just have no control. I wadded up toilet paper in my underwear and went back to the set, but then was in a panic that the rest of the water would gush out, or I would have a horribly painful contraction in front of thousands of people. I watched every minute tick by on the clock and was so happy to get off the set. That feeling of a lack of control is very frightening.

T and I decided to head home, but it is just not something you can do subtly in our place of work. I don't like all that drama!

A few hours later, nothing had changed, but we finally decided to just go to the hospital and see if my water had actually broken. I was hoping for a quick visit, but we were there for a couple hours as they monitored everything and took all my stats. During this time, Q wreaked havoc in the waiting room as T chased him around.

They found my contractions to be in a regular pattern, but not progressing. My water had not broken, so apparently that was some other sort of odd fluid. Then the nurse tried to check my cervix. For some reason she just couldn't do it. She said it was very posterior and spent several minutes just digging around in there. It was awful. At one point I asked to take a break, because she was killing me. She finally went someone else to probe around in there. T heard her in the waiting room, and she apparently was very confused and embarrassed. Sneaky hiding cervix.

A doctor came in and quickly determined I was still 4-5 cm and 80% effaced, which is pretty advanced, but shows there has been no change, so my contractions are still not actual labor contractions. She said I had the option to have my water broken, but it was not at all necessary. I have been attempting all along to have a very natural labor, but I was definitely faltering last night. It would have been nice to just get things going!

I finally decided to decline, and we headed home. It is quite discouraging really! I keep reminding myself that it has to happen eventually. I did decide not to go to work today. The going in and then coming home early was getting ridiculous. But, if I am still pregnant Monday, I think I will be back on my regular schedule. I have another doctor's appointment Tuesday, and by that point I might be saying, "Just get that baby out of there!"

--MM

Temporary insanity

This is driving me batty. I am hanging out at home and nothing seems to be happening. It is the most mind-numbing thing to analyze every tiny sensation in your body.

Last night, we thought it was time and distributed Q and Ruby the dachshund to the homes of friends, but nothing ever really progressed. I barely slept last night, and I read and walked and bounced on my exercise ball. What is that fetus thinking? When will he come out? It is incredibly frustrating to not know and not have any control.

If I went to the hospital, they would admit me because I am so dilated. They would break my bag of waters and probably give me pitocin. But, it seems silly to rush things if he is clearly happy staying put.

Do I go to work? Should T? Frustrating!

--MM

My nerves are wracked

I am pretty sure I will soon be going into active labor. But, I don't know for sure, and that is absolutely driving me crazy! My doctor is on vacation, so I saw another doctor today. She said I was 4 to 5 centimeters dilated. That is actually when most people begin full on labor. I am having pretty steady contractions, but they are not painful yet necessarily. She said if I wanted to I could actually go to the hospital and have my water broken to speed things along. That seems unnecessary to me. Might as well let nature take its course.

I sat at home on my exercise ball for awhile timing my contractions and debating whether it was stupid to come in to work. Since there is still the off chance I could be days or weeks away, I decided it is best to come in and not stay home and obsess. But now, I am feeling a lot of pressure and achiness in my pelvis, and the contractions are three minutes apart. At least work is taking my mind off things. We'll see what the little man has planned.

--MM

Ho Hum Easter

The Easter weekend had its ups and downs. Saturday started out with the visit from Barack Obama. It meant a very early morning, but it went extremely well. I was very happy with how smooth and organized our broadcast went. Those can either go great or horribly wrong. There never seems to be an in-between.

We were waiting quite awhile for his plane to take off, so we could show that and then wrap it all up. The clock was ticking toward our 1:00 p.m. scheduled Easter egg hunt. I was getting antsy! Come on Barack! This is sort of a big milestone! It finally took off at 12:45, T and I zipped home and made the egg hunt just a few minutes late.

We told Q to find the "balls," since that would catch his attention a bit better. The brightly-colored eggs were all hidden in plain sight for the 3 and under crowd. Q scooped up about five of his allotted 12 and then lost interest. He started climbing into other kids' wagons and trying on their sunglasses.

The rest of the weekend, I was pretty much a waste of space. We planned to go to brunch on Sunday, but I just felt so sluggish and grumpy, I barely wanted to get out of bed. Then I was mad at myself for not making myself get moving. I hate that cycle.

After sleeping away most of the day, I couldn't sleep at night. I lay wide awake in bed, analyzing every cramp and contraction. That can drive you insane. T snored away next to me while my mind raced, and I continually twisted and writhed in a futile attempt to find comfort. I got up to go to the bathroom about 47 times, only to have a tiny trickle come out. Those kind of nights always feel about 700 hours long.

I felt a little more lively today. Sluggish, lazy days like that don't recharge me. They just depress me. I had a little more spring in my step today and my grumpiness was gone. It hardly bothered me when Ruby ate half a plant, and T smashed a jar of ranch dressing on the kitchen floor.

--MM

Preparing for Obama

Barack Obama is about to make a campaign stop in our area. This is pretty big news for us, because the candidates have mostly ignored our state. Our primary is so late, it usually doesn't matter in the nominating process. This time though, the race is tight, and our delegates are actually important.

The event sends a little electricity through our newsroom. Everyone will have their role to play this weekend, and you can see that it gets people enthusiastic about their jobs once again. It certainly wakes me up a little and gets my mind off wondering when I will into labor. It's a nice change!

--MM

A little patience

I am not by nature a patient person. I am just about the opposite of a procrastinator. If I have something to do, I am obsessed about it until I get it done. I'm sure I am the type of person who drives other people crazy. I know that is true for my husband half the time, but it is just how I tick.

Right now the new baby's diapers are in place, his going home outfit is folded on his changing table, and all his tiny clothes are hung up in his closet. I have everything in place for a new baby in the house, except the new baby.

I have been expecting to give birth early for eight months, so now that I am nearing full-term, I am antsy. I know that fate will mock me by having the baby arrive two weeks late or something. I over-analyze every twinge, cramp, and contraction. Last time, I thought nothing of them, and all of the sudden, Q arrived. This time I feel every day go by in slow motion and look at my ginormous belly and wonder how long it will be there. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, although those reveal few clues about when to expect delivery day. I wish she could just say, "You will go into labor next Tuesday at 10:43 p.m." That would make it much easier to plan.

All that said, I will force myself to be patient. I talked to a woman from my mom's group who is due this week. She is getting induced on Friday, not for any real reason, but just to have control I guess. I can completely understand the desire for power over what is happening to your body, but I think we should resist that urge and let nature take its course. I think the epidemic of women getting induced and scheduling c-sections is appalling. That makes birth so complicated. Why not just let nature take its course? That is what I will do, and I plan to resist all efforts to induce labor or speed it along unless absolutely necessary. I will wait as patiently as possible, though I do wish things would hurry up a bit in there.

--MM

Preggers pictures

We got pregnancy pictures taken today. I really wanted to get them last time, but Q popped out before I even scheduled a session. This time, though, we made it. I pictured precious poses with Q kissing my belly. But, you have to suspend all expectations when you have a toddler involved. He refused to let go of the two tennis balls he was holding, so any picture we managed to drag him into features two tightly-gripped tennis balls. I guess that captures his persona.

Shortly after we got home, he fell and scraped up his poor little nose and forehead. He looks a mess, poor little thing. At least it happened after our photo session.

We also ventured out to Costco today. It is a new experience for me. There were $31,000 diamond rings next to trees, dog food, and bulk cereal bars. Such an odd place. I think if you are choosy you can get some great deals, but it is easy to get sucked into thinking, "Of course I need seven pounds of Wheat Thins." We ended up spending more than $100, and we still had to get most of our list at the regular grocery store. That said, we won't need oatmeal until 2013.

--MM

3-4 centimeters

I am now dilated slightly more to 3 to 4 centimeters. Again, that could mean the baby is coming tonight or next month. I wish I just knew when. The encouraging news is I have now reached 36 weeks, and my doctors says I won't need to give birth right next to the NICU, and the baby will be able to go right to me instead of being whisked off with specialists. That was my hope!

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We got our carpets cleaned this morning, and they are gorgeous. We had so many pet stains that is was actually embarrassing, but now they are practically glowing. It is a wonderful thing. We feel like we have a new house.

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As part of my next project that I am rushing to get finished before I go on maternity leave, I interviewed two women today. One is taking care of her four grandchildren, while her mother takes care of one great-grandchild. Their sacrifice and hard work amazed me while the utter disregard the mother shows to her children stunned me. It made me realize that even when I am not being a supermom and doing daily enriching craft projects with Q, I am pretty good by comparison.

--MM

Puppy pain

A seven-pound animal, roughly the size of a large rat, is going to drive me over the edge.

T got a dog run for Ruby. It is basically a line in our side yard that she is attached to, and she has the whole run of the yard. This morning after she pooped and peed on the floor and ate half a plant, we decided it was time to try it out. She happily jogged around for awhile. After about half an hour, I checked on her and discovered that she had somehow squeezed her tiny body under the fence and was stuck in the front yard on this tiny length of line. I am so glad I checked at the time and noticed right away, so animal control wasn't knocking on my door.

I unhooked her and carried her inside. Unfortunately, she was covered in mud and tracked it all over the house and onto our white couches. Sigh. Later, to rub salt into my wounds, she took a giant pee on the kitchen floor. How can such a small body produce such volumes of urine? She is causing me to tear my hair out. Every day with a puppy makes me more of a cat person.

--MM

Disaster afternoon

First a flossing update. I was shamed into flossing this morning. I think if I do it in the a.m., I am more likely to stick to it. We'll see how that goes.

I actually saw an interesting story about how dentists were treating pregnant mothers to prevent dental disease in their unborn babies. Apparently, if bacteria is not treated in the pregnant women, it can be transmitted to their babies. Interesting, huh? So, I am biting the bullet and the dental floss.

I had a disastrous afternoon. It was just almost too much. First of all, I am ridiculously uncomfortable right now. Giving birth at 34 weeks is preferable in some ways. You don't go through this horribly awkward ninth month. The baby seems to be hammering into my bladder. My tail bone and entire pelvis feel awkward and achy. My maternity clothes are not fitting well any more, and I feel like I waddle. I can't sleep well and am constantly, utterly tired. I just felt horrible today. I had cramping and contractions all through the night and woke up in my present state. What is going on in there? I wish I knew.

Anyway, that is the background upon which my disastrous afternoon played out. Ruby the dachshund had to get her stitches out, so I packed Q in his stroller and Ruby in her carrier, and we set off to the vet. I waddled into the office with my hands extremely full. It was a mercifully short visit, and we waddled back to the car.

The true horror came after lunch. Q rejected most of his yogurt and bread, and I released him from his high chair, and I tried to finish my own lunch. He stood up on the couch, and I saw that his bib was still on him. I said, "Can I have your bib?" Of course being the obstinate child he is, he shook his head and backed up. In slow motion, he tumbled to the ground, bonking his head on the wood.

He started wailing, and I quickly waddled over the scoop him up. It seemed to just be a mild bump, but he still had remnants of his lunch in his mouth and started choking a bit. That's when it happened. He unleashed a torrent of sour, partially-digested yogurt, fruit, and milk. It splashed over both of us and across the floor in an acidic fountain.

I put him down and waddled to get the paper towels, but Ruby was already quickly in action lapping it up. My stomach turned even more. I tracked toddler barf all over the house in my bare feet as Q stood by screaming.

I grabbed Q, called T and asked him to please come home and help me through this madness. I had to strip and wash Q and myself, even though I was already in my work clothes. The vomity clothes went into the washer. By the time T arrived, Ruby had helpfully cleaned up most of the vomit.

I managed to be only eight minutes late to work.

Oh, imagine the fun when there are two of them to barf on me!

--MM

Floss shmoss

Who really flosses anyway? If you say you do every night, then either you are lying or you are some sort of dental kiss-up. I had a dentist appointment this morning. Gums are a bit sensitive and bleed easily when you are pregnant, so all the poking and prodding wasn't very fun. The hygienist asked me if I flossed every night, and I said, "Um, no. It makes my gums hurt. Why would I do that? I'm not a masochist."

I have never been especially fanatical about brushing and flossing, and I have never had a cavity. My current dentist also says my teeth are "bulletproof" and "just don't seem to decay." So, I think I will keep my haphazard habits and toss the floss, thank you very much.

T and I had a baby relay of sorts today. He had an appointment at 9:00 a.m., so I took Q to the dentist. We met in the parking lot for the hand off at 10:10. Then T brought Q home for the beginning of his Early Childhood meeting. I got there at 11:15 to take over for the rest of the hour. The whole family met at 12:30 for an interview for work, then we went to lunch together, and I brought Q home to pass him off to the day care provider. Whew.

We brought home four helium balloons from the shower yesterday. Q likes walking around with them all gripped in his little fists. Precious. Maybe he will grow up to be a carnie!

I am having lots of cramping today, very low in my abdomen, and the baby is sitting extremely low. I feel like I could pee at any moment. I wish I knew what was going on in there. A part of me just wants it to get going already, but it obviously would be better to hold off a few more weeks. I hate this stage when you over-think every twinge and squeeze.

--MM

March showers

As I write this I can smell a dachshund poop. They are small but quite stinky. The dog is about 5% potty-trained. A long way to go.

I had my baby shower today. Q's was actually three weeks after his birth, but I did make this one. Showers always make me a little nervous. All those people watching you open presents. It is just nerve-wracking for some reason, especially without T there to deflect some attention. I felt silly having one really, since we are having another boy, and we have all we need, but a couple friends offered, and I thought it was very nice of them.

It was a sort of tea party with neat little sandwiches and tea, scones and coffee cake. They really did a wonderful job, and it was very touching.

The new baby got some neat things, and now I am washing all his new stuff and Q's old stuff to get ready. T and I also went to Target to get the last few items we absolutely needed. Tonight, I also wrote out my birth plan spelling out my requests for that day. I feel a lot more knowledgeable and informed than I did the last time around. I feel like we are ready! Now, we just wait and see if it is tomorrow or next month. You try to have so much control but really you have so little in a lot of ways.

Off to clean up dachshund poop.

--MM

Waiting game

Last night I was having tons of contractions and was convinced that baby was coming out, especially after learning earlier in the day I was already dilating. Some were painful, and they were close together. T and I timed them but as I relaxed on the couch, they eased up and were few and far between by the morning.

Today again has been another busy one, and I worked right through my dinner break trying to get projects finished early. Tonight again my belly is cramping and contracting. It is so awkward when it does that, because my entire abdomen just becomes as hard as a rock, and I can't bend or reach for anything. Picture trying to reach around a giant watermelon. It's not fun.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window tonight and had to laugh. Pregnant women look a bit ridiculous toward the end, don't they? It is an amazing feat that we don't tip right over. It's just odd to see myself with this giant protrusion off the front of me. I never get used to it.

I am so happy to not be teaching aerobics or yoga in the morning. I intend to take many naps this weekend and ease away those pesky contractions.

--MM

Early appearance?

I had a doctor's appointment today, and it looks like I have might another anxious baby. I am two centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. That doesn't mean labor is imminent by any means. I could even make it another month or so, or it could mean labor is just days away. It's hard to know, but my doctor assumes I will go early. I am hoping to make it another two weeks to get to 37 weeks or the beginning of what is considered full-term.

In the ultrasound today, the tech measured the little guy and estimated him to be already over six pounds. The tech told me those things tend to over-estimate, but that still sounds a like a decent size. Q was less than five pounds at birth. In the pictures, the new baby also looked like he had a little chub to him already.

On hearing the news, I wasn't nervous surprisingly. I feel confident knowing Q was born a week before this and turned out well. I would like to not have to go to the NICU at all again, but every day that passes means a better outcome. I guess we'll see what the little man has planned.

--MM

Employee of the month

Yes, that is me. After working here for almost five years, the honor has finally been bestowed upon me. If you would like my opinion, I deserved it far earlier in my tenure.

I didn't make the meeting in which my accolades were handed down, so I missed my chance to deliver an acceptance speech, which I have had prepared for four-and-a-half years. I will be enjoying my prime parking place for the next 26 days however.

I was basking in the glow of my achievement, when I learned my husband T nominated me. Boo. That doesn't even seem to count. The only thing worse is if my mom would have written in a nomination. The news has tarnished my glory somewhat. Sigh. I guess it is better that I not let me head swell too much anyway.

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This weekend, we watched Ricki Lake's documentary The Business of Being Born. I had been waiting to see it, as the topic is very interesting to me. It discusses how birth has become very medical and financially motivated. It asserts women in the United States are encouraged to use many drugs during birth and opt for a Cesarean section. It shows doctors as often in control of births rather than mothers.

I feel like I know much more during this pregnancy and hope that my birth will be different. I want to stay in control of how it progresses and avoid as many interventions as possible. This weekend I will be working on a birth plan to outline my preferences. I highly recommend the movie, if it is an area you are interested in.

--MM

Looooooong weekend

The weekend is wrapping it up, but it was far from relaxing. I taught my final yoga class Saturday. I could probably keep going for awhile, but I figured this was a good time to call it quits.

T has his classes for his MBA all day Saturday. We had a gathering to go to Saturday night, but T's classes went all the way till 7:00. I was chasing a baby around the back of a restaurant for more than an hour before he got there for the hand-off. A co-worker told me I made it look easy. That almost made me laugh. I'm glad it at least looks that way, because it sure doesn't feel it!

On Sunday, T had another meeting for a class project. He expected it to last three or four hours, but it stretched out to seven and a half. I feel sorry for him having to work so hard, and I know this will be worth it for our family in the long run, but man is it exhausting for me right now.

We were trying to get the nursery finished this weekend, so I pretty much did it myself. I cleaned out closets, washed clothes and sheets, and put things away. I sorted books, fed Q a few meals, and took him for an hour-long walk. I planned the meals for the week and made our grocery list.

I can have my lazy periods, but when I get going, I have a laser focus and tend to almost do too much. I become kind of obsessed with getting everything done.

Last night my back and hips hurt so much I just curled up on the couch and ate Girl Scout cookies. That makes everything better. Thankfully those devil cookies are almost gone.

--MM