Excruciating anticipation

I am still pregnant, unfortunately. I am struggling to be patient, but am not succeeding. I decided to go to work yesterday to take my mind off things. The inside of my pelvis was killing me. After I would be sitting at my computer for awhile and then stand up, it felt like my legs were being ripped off.

As I was sitting down for the 5 show, I could feel this glugging sensation in that baby-delivering area. I ran to the bathroom and found that my mucus plug had come out, and I thought maybe some amniotic fluid. It is amazing all the crazy things that happen to your body. You just have no control. I wadded up toilet paper in my underwear and went back to the set, but then was in a panic that the rest of the water would gush out, or I would have a horribly painful contraction in front of thousands of people. I watched every minute tick by on the clock and was so happy to get off the set. That feeling of a lack of control is very frightening.

T and I decided to head home, but it is just not something you can do subtly in our place of work. I don't like all that drama!

A few hours later, nothing had changed, but we finally decided to just go to the hospital and see if my water had actually broken. I was hoping for a quick visit, but we were there for a couple hours as they monitored everything and took all my stats. During this time, Q wreaked havoc in the waiting room as T chased him around.

They found my contractions to be in a regular pattern, but not progressing. My water had not broken, so apparently that was some other sort of odd fluid. Then the nurse tried to check my cervix. For some reason she just couldn't do it. She said it was very posterior and spent several minutes just digging around in there. It was awful. At one point I asked to take a break, because she was killing me. She finally went someone else to probe around in there. T heard her in the waiting room, and she apparently was very confused and embarrassed. Sneaky hiding cervix.

A doctor came in and quickly determined I was still 4-5 cm and 80% effaced, which is pretty advanced, but shows there has been no change, so my contractions are still not actual labor contractions. She said I had the option to have my water broken, but it was not at all necessary. I have been attempting all along to have a very natural labor, but I was definitely faltering last night. It would have been nice to just get things going!

I finally decided to decline, and we headed home. It is quite discouraging really! I keep reminding myself that it has to happen eventually. I did decide not to go to work today. The going in and then coming home early was getting ridiculous. But, if I am still pregnant Monday, I think I will be back on my regular schedule. I have another doctor's appointment Tuesday, and by that point I might be saying, "Just get that baby out of there!"

--MM